Tuesday, September 7, 2010

re-evaluating

hello. hope you all had a very relaxing long weekend. i am incapable of relaxing, therefore we tackled a lot of projects that have been sitting still. not one project is 100% done, but hey it's progress.


we got to spend a lot of time around this bonfire and i loved it. i feel really blessed to be a part of such an awesome and eclectic community of people.

i've been thinking a lot about goals and went back and made my goals "smarter." most of them were vague and had no way of being measured, so i'm working on making them more achievable.

one of my goals is to not worry so much about what other people think about me. i've been really struggling with self doubt lately. i've been put through the ringer in the last couple of years. i think that most of us stumble and feel insecure in our twenties. i've dealt with a lot of heartache and i've had to learn who my real friends are. tough growing pains, but i'm grateful for them.

it's yoga month. here are some great ways to celebrate it.


{image}

in other news... i've been really struggling with being a mother of an almost 2 year old. matilda is going through "a change." she hits me in the face (nothing new) about 100 times a day. she's also screeching at the top of her lungs when she doesn't get her way. i find myself just staring in to space without a clue in the world of what to do with her.

l-"do you want to read a book?" m-"no"
l-"we need to change your diaper." m-"NOOOOOOOO"
etc.



she is also as loving and sweet as she can be, it's just not as often. i'm tired, but i love her more than anything and i want to guide her and raise her to be loving and respectful. i've tried ignoring, time out, calm, not calm. i would love some advice from you veterans. please and thank you in advance.

© copyright homemade grits

10 comments:

Christy said...

Sweet Ley-Ley...
I am also going through another "change" with Jack. I feel your pain more than you know. It's SO hard to stay calm and cool-headed when your dealing with a screeching babe. I think time-outs really DO work (both for the child and for giving yourself a minute to cool your jets.) And constant vigilance! (I take a Mad Eye Moody approach to parenting. heehee:) That's the only way to get across that you mean business... dealing with each and every episode as they arise. Sooner or(wayyy)later- She'll learn who's da boss.

And if nothing else works... I have a bottle of wine we can share :)

SarahB said...

So, I'm not an 'ole pro (mine just turned 2 in June), but he has those times, too. Sometimes all those times come in bunches and I when I looked back on the worst of it: some of it was while he was getting his big toofers in the back (which I didn't even know was happening at the time). But I COMPLETELY feel your pain. I try to ignore some of the nonono! and some of it I talk to him about and sometimes when it's all interspersed with his screaming yelling because I said No, he gets a little more time with his teddy and his pillow until he settles down.

And yes, when all else fails, food (something ooey gooey good) works great too. xo

misadventuresofkellyandkelly said...

Not an expert but we've done time out and it seems to work fairly well. We have to be super consistent though. It's kind of shocking when the sweet toddler turns two and things get kind of crazy. The good news is that they turn into normal little people around age 4.

*plum*tree*studio* said...

I have no advice here..but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone..My sister who's daughter is one month younger then Matilda is going through the same thing. I've witnessed it on skype and heard the meltdowns on the phone. She does the time outs..calm voice...not so calm voice. Shiloh is going through a phase where if she doesn't get what she wants, it's the end of the world. She is super sweet on the other hand too...i know that's not much to help you but just wanted you to know. Hope the phase doesn't last long!!

Claire Kiefer said...

Is it horrible that I am totally giggling at my dining room table thinking about sweet Matilda hitting you in the face and declaring NO? I really wish that I lived closer so that I could come babysit and give you a break. As you know, Milo's parents and I have faced similar struggles. We find it hard not to laugh at his antics, mostly. ;) He used to hit us all a lot (especially when Cari and I are talking and the spotlight isn't on him), but he's calmed down on that. Honestly, I think the best approach is to sit them down and talk to them "like an adult" almost--"It really hurts me when you do that," etc. Who knows! No miracle answers. But I'm thinking and praying for y'all! Give my sweet little girl a big kiss from auntie Claire. Unless she smacks you. ;)

Shaunna Faye said...

When I was little my mom used to tell me that she couldn't hear me when I'm whining. So I'd have to stop whining and talk to her normally to get what I want. I'll probably try that trick with Martya when she's older.

blueeyedfreckle said...

lesley!!! I miss you too! we once and for all need to get together! we have tried so many times, and alas I am back in town and you seem to be in town, so lets make a plan! I am sorry about the new phase you are trying to figure out... wish I had advice, but I am just trying to learn how to deal with seperation anxiety and all that jazz that starts at 1. these kids always keep us on our toes! and sometimes we just want to sit down and relax... ha! anyway, love what you've been doin on here, cute bloomers.. I was just thinking abotu your circus bloomers the other day, wishing olivia had a pair. I know I could make some myself, but yours are so much cooler! I always get compliments on her dress you made btw.

Erin said...

yikes, good luck and hang in there. being a mommy is tough and exhausting. I'm no expert but my advise would be to find what is a current motivator for her. Each child is motivated by different things at different times in their lives. once you find that motivator lay down the law ahead of time so she knows what to expect, and then most importantly *make sure you follow through* If you dont follow through she will learn that the rules aren't really rules 100% of the time.

And I agree with Christy... at the end of the day when she's finally down for the night... w.i.n.e :)

Your Southern Peach said...

My best advice is to remember that YOU are the parent. It's important for your daughter to see you stay in control of yourself and the situation. Your confidence as a parent will make her feel more secure that no matter what happens, mommy can handle it.

I know it's hard to be patient but these little one's do not yet have the correct vocabulary to express their anger and frustrations. As a result, they often express their negative feelings physically. As another poster said, speak to them "like an adult" and explain to them that it is okay for them to feel angry, sad, frustrated, etc. because we all feel that way at times! However, it is NOT okay to hit, bite, scream, etc.

Time outs do work but you have to be consistent with them. When they get up, you set them right back down (calmly of course :) Also, taking away a favorite toy and setting it on our fireplace mantle has worked too. When Luke (my oldest son) apologizes for his bad behavior, then his toy can be returned.

The age 2-4 is all about discovering independence. Try to let your daughter make choices when you can like which shirt to wear, what color sippy cup or which book to read. She will feel like she has some control of the situation which is something we all like to feel, right?

Good Luck and I hope this helps! If all else fails do more yoga and drink more wine.

Simply Mel said...

I'm a proud mama of a VERY independent 2 1/2 year old little girl, and trust me, I don't know if there are any right answers to your plea. My adopted mantra for this stage is "this too shall pass" ~ and I have also found that instead of raising my voice and standing over her 'directing/preaching', I get far better results when I move to her level and talk eye-to-eye. Also, just walking away and letting her have her moment helps too. There is a lot being processed in those sweet brains, and it's all about learning. And I'm learning as I go ~ lessons of life (like patience and endurance) seem to be an ongoing study for me. Good luck!