Wednesday, June 22, 2011

in real life: the crib



my girl. these images will help calm and nurture me through the abundance of FREAK OUTs we've been experiencing with our little 2.75 year old.

i had intended on leaving this post as just this simple: "here are two pictures of my adorable child" post. just couldn't do it i guess. i have been struggling. quarter-life crisis? wait, i may be too old for that now. crap. i mentioned on twitter that i was having a "what color is your parachute?" type of day yesterday. i just feel so worthless sometimes. like i'm not really great at anything. not looking for pity or flattery, just keeping it real. why can't i just be satisfied to be a part-time working mama? whenever i can feel myself striving this happens. a big wake up call from God telling me i can't do everything on my own. totally not living in the now. being challenged in that area BIG time.

sometimes i can't wait to have some me time (aka naptime) and then once it comes i feel so. lonely. is this normal? also, been wondering why i put so much energy in to this blog. sometimes it just seems silly. that's all, but then i get an awesome email from someone telling me they want to change their lifestyle and that makes me happy.

sorry for the rambling/complaining.

16 comments:

*plum*tree*studio* said...

sounds like you are human. :) i love your blog, reading your posts and seeing your sweet sweet daughter brings a smile to my day. we all have our "days". hoping today is much better then the last. xo!

wren said...

Not that this really changes anything but some outside perspective.

when i get super discontent, it's because i'm jealous of you- and people like you. i'm 29, single, working full-time and although sometimes i'm totally content, there are so many more times that i'm just longing for that better job or for at least the beginning steps of starting my own family. And ideally- i think all the time of how much i dream to stay at home with my kid(s) but still have a part-time creative outlet.

so you're kinda living my dream :)

anyways- my point is that we're always going to be discontent and striving and questioning and doubting ourselves. And there are many things behind all that but the main thing is that this world is not our home. And we can't find contentment in anything but Christ.

That is SO HARD for me to grasp and believe but it's Truth.

Anyways- thanks for sharing. it's always good to know we're not alone and we all feel this way. i feel like i could write a bunch more but i'll stop 'cause this is a novel.

Keep striving in the things that give you joy and that give to others and to the world and towards the Kingdom. Go to Him with your fears and hurts and wants and everything else.

(oh and i think your blog is magnificently helpful!! it makes a great difference)

K said...

I have read your blog for a few months now, I'm not sure how I found it, but probably saw something pretty or delicious and added it to the reader.

It's funny... how important web logs have become to me, to read and feel inspired by the colors, tastes and stories that I read and stare at. All the Africa news (yes... my blogging reader is split between food & pretties and African politics and development). Inspired enough, to, say... finally quit my horrifying job. Inspired enough to try new things and feel color in my life. It is the resurgence of reading in my day, when for so long it was nothing but WorkthensomeTV.

So, thanks for being a part of my days. I don't really know you, but I probably sometimes tell my boyfriend about you over dinner (as in last weeks OMhomemade grits lady had a story about a person who lived in a trailer and paidoff alllll their debt, weshoulddoit!). Maybe that is unfair...

Grace said...

I have been reading your blog religiously for months and look forward to each time you post. I am constantly inspired by, not only the way you live your life, but also by your incredible creativity and talent. Your posts make me want to go out and do things and change the way I live my life, and I'm sure there are many others who feel the same.

As for greatness, I'd say you're really great at inspiring others to examine the choices they make in life and to embrace their creativity. And I bet if you ask Matilda, she'd say you're the best mom in the world. :)

Milkweed... said...

This is one of my "look in the reader to see if you posted today" blogs. I wait for it...just saying! It's the perfect combo of all things I care about. I found you in Southern Flourish...first issue...and have been reading ever since! It is sooo worth it! Just saying! Also....we wouldn't have had our flower girls and birthday dresses without this blog! My girls are 1 and I have those same "crave for me time moments" and feel the exact same way when I finally get them! NORMAL!

Bridget said...

girl, it seems to me that you are super talented and i don't think it's just because you only put your best foot forward for your blog readers. a) being a mom is ridiculously hard b) making dresses? please, i don't know the first thing about it. c) feeding your family HEALTHY... again, not easy.

and those are only three.

S said...

I'm going through the same thing. Questioning what I'm doing at my job - it's one of those sit at a computer for 9 hours knee deep in excel and large data sets that don't represent anything even remotely interesting. I think this frustration is starting to take over my life - especially my marriage. I find it hard to communicate what I'm so frustrated about with to my husband and he thinks it is him! But it's not!

Anyways I love your blog! Not only is it a great inspirational distraction during my day but I'm extremely comforted to hear others are feel similar frustrations.

Something that has helped me - even if it's only for an hour - Zumba! I'm def not a dancer but I love it. Find a small fabulous studio - not 24 hour fitness. I feel like I sweat out all of my worries for the day. Love it! What do you do that helps?

Courtney K. said...

Don't feel alone in your feelings, because I have been struggling with the same ones as well. You are definitely not worthless and your blog is making such a difference in peoples lives. For example, your "Rebuilding Your Temple" series has inspired me to re-examine my eating habits and how to better fuel my body. Also, your post the other week about Hal Higdon's 5K training program has gotten me off the couch and back on track with my fitness. I have been doing the program for about a week and a half now, and I feel considerably better. So, don't ever think that you are worthless, because you have inspired/touched the lives of others. And in my opinion, that is the noblest thing one can do.

Lindsay said...

I feel exactly the same way. About everything you wrote. Including the nap time thing <3 <3 <3 <3

homemade grits said...

man-
thank you guys to the moon and back for making me feel so loved. i'm sorry that many of you are also struggling with the same feelings. sometimes i just need to know that someone is reading this crazy thing. so THANK YOU!!

s-
yoga and quiet time in the mornings has done wonders for my stress levels. also running, running, running. sometimes just crying! cry, cry, cry and tell your husband what's really going on. one of the best decisions i ever made was to leave a toxic job. it was one of the hardest too, but there is light at the end of the nightmarejob tunnel!!

Annabelle L said...

you can call me at nap time.

{BlueEyedYonder} said...

Lesley, Your words ring so true with me. I feel exactly the same way at times. A blog takes so much energy and time, sometimes I wonder if it is all worth the sacrifice.

Your blog is alway so meaningful and educational. You can tell how much thought and heart you put into each one of your posts. We all appreciate you and treasure all of your many talents. XOXO

Your Southern Peach said...

Hugs to you Lesley! Just look at that sweet face every night and know that everything's gonna be just fine.

It's really all that matters at the end of the day anyways.

Brittany Grace said...

I read this days ago, and have been thinking about you. I know we all have these moments of "what in the heck am I doing right now and why isn't it enough?"
You are an inspiration. There are many times when I read a post or admire a project you've undertaken and think - "how does that woman stay sane?!"
Being able to express your feelings when they're not bubbly or shiny exemplifies courage. So, you're being quite courageous and strong by telling us how you feel right now.
It's encouraging to me to know that I'm not the only one who has those moments of self-doubt. The Goodness Kickstarter page hasn't even been live for a week, and I've found myself up at all hours of the night, wondering what I'm going to do if this endeavor doesn't pan out.
Useless worry? Sure. But, these feelings seem an inevitable part of life when you're doing something worthwhile and challenging.
Thank you for putting energy into this blog. By doing this, you're putting energy into a lot of other people's lives. Keep being awesome, Lesley!

Brittany Grace said...

I read this days ago, and have been thinking about you. I know we all have these moments of "what in the heck am I doing right now and why isn't it enough?"
You are an inspiration. There are many times when I read a post or admire a project you've undertaken and think - "how does that woman stay sane?!"
Being able to express your feelings when they're not bubbly or shiny exemplifies courage. So, you're being quite courageous and strong by telling us how you feel right now.
It's encouraging to me to know that I'm not the only one who has those moments of self-doubt. The Goodness Kickstarter page hasn't even been live for a week, and I've found myself up at all hours of the night, wondering what I'm going to do if this endeavor doesn't pan out.
Useless worry? Sure. But, these feelings seem an inevitable part of life when you're doing something worthwhile and challenging.
Thank you for putting energy into this blog. By doing this, you're putting energy into a lot of other people's lives. Keep being awesome, Lesley!

momphotographer said...

Yeah... "sounds like you are human" ... and a mom I would add...
Sometimes like a day or two ago... it happened for the first time since I got married and later had a child... I had an our of "me time". My husband went to bed (before me). My daughter was sleeping as well... and I was sitting in my livingroom watching "Chopped"... and I felt so calm, and good, and hm... just good and calm... :) Yeah. The next day I got so upset because I realized that I miss my "me time" sometimes... and that I'm tired sometimes... and I wish I could get away from all that "mother/wifehood" sometimes...
I guess I am human as well...
hugs from my corner!