when i stumbled upon this quote it literally shook me to the core. over the last few weeks i've been feeling so detached from myself and feeling really unsure of who i am. what i want out of life. as a mother, our whole days tend to revolve around our children and then every so often we pull back and feel hungry to regain ourselves. to put on something pretty, to have an adult conversation. lately i've been so jealous of my single friends (by single, i mean without children) that get to roll out of bed leisurely and have fancy dinners out on a whim. i've been jealous of women who have "people," jealous of moms who actually have time to shop for themselves (hello closet full of clothes from 2005). i've been feelin' a little sorry for maself and boy have i felt guilty for it. isn't that how it goes? then i read the quote above and it was like God shaking me telling me to snap out of this selfish stooper. it was a big, bold slap of reality and what's really important. in a hundred years from now it won't matter if i have the latest cashmere cardigan from jcrew. it won't matter if i missed one fun night out with friends. what will matter is that i read an extra story at bedtime, that i played with matilda at the park, that we danced in the kitchen until we were sore, that we make each other laugh ridiculously hard, that my daughter knows how much her i love her.
not to say that i don't think it's important for moms to be able to share these sorts of feelings because i think we all have these "moments." i started slowing down, taking in the time that matilda and i have together and savoring it. sam had a bunch of shows last weekend so til and i had a lot of one-on-one and SHOOOOT do i love that girl. it hurts how much and sometimes i just need to be reminded of her smallness, how temporary it is that we'll be housebound, how fast she's growing up, how fast the meltdowns will come and go, how freaking lucky we are to be blessed with this little ball of magic. i think so often the fantasy of being able to do whatever we want is so much greater than that reality. even if i get woken up at 5:30 in the morning and touch something unidentifiable once a day, i sure as heck wouldn't change being the mother of my blondeheaded girl with a strawberry mustache* for anything.
*matilda calls anything that gets on her face a mustache. today it was strawberry jelly.